I was honored to borrow from Atelier Hiko a collection of Haruna-san’s poems. Upon reading the first few entries, I told Ishizaki-san that I am amazed by the cleverness in her writing. Despite being based mostly on very common daily-use words, the topics were as diverse and compelling as ghosts, heaven, Osaka Pro Wresting, hiking, hot spring baths and birthdays. They were composed into slogans, poems, songs and letters.
As a foreigner who feels the “fish out of water” experience, I’m just grateful to read these thought that I find so genuine and powerful.
Among her fun writings, one poem caught my eye.
***
Meaning dream.
That’s impossible.
It’s messy.
(I’m) still angry.
I will never forgive you.
That’s impossible.
Even if you cry, it’s probably your fault, teacher.
Why don’t you email me?
Hey, teacher.
Next time, you can’t do that again.
Do you understand?
I’m serious about it.
I won’t forgive you until you cry.
It’s impossible even if you show your guts.
I don’t need a slogan. (*Haruna-san writes slogans to cheer up herself and others.)
That email thing,
Really make it happen, okay?
Make sure to keep doing it until the end.
I won’t forgive if you give up.
Also I want to get you angry.
***
At first glance, I felt that in this poem, she was longing for communication with someone whom she is close to. After not obtaining what she expected, she used strong words expressing the feelings of being hurt and angry.
However, the phrase “I won’t forgive you until you cry” resonated with my own experiences. I recalled a quarrel with my childhood best friend, and a mischievous image of myself emerged. No matter how many times the other apologized, I would pretend to not forgive my friend just to gain more attention from her. Of course I had already forgiven her – that is friendship. It was only at this moment that I started to see the hyperbole in my youthful sentiment.
Did Haruna-san also feel the same way when she wrote this poem?
After reading the poem the second time, I felt that the author has an enviable sincerity. If possible, I would like to borrow Haruna-san’s frankness by saying directly what I want to say. As adults, we often live our lives with too much caution. In a society full of polite behavior, isn’t it really embarrassing to express negative emotions?
If something that I don’t like happened, if something made me angry, if something broke my heart, I would like to say to the other person, “I won’t forgive you until you cry.” That way, both the other person and I would be able to reach a clear resolution (and perhaps a big hug).
I became aware of Haruna’s candor when I visited Ishizaki-san at Atelier Hiko for the fourth time.
It was a Saturday when the largest number of members attends the studio. While composing new poems, Haruna-san talked with other members about her concerns regarding a recent personal matter. Surrounded by a caring atmosphere, I was trusted to be part of the group, even while I was taking notes next to her. As I listened, I couldn’t help but feel that she carried such a sense of courage to openly discuss her disquiet with others.
“Do you have any secret, Haruna-san?” I asked curiously.
“No,” Haruna answered firmly.
I didn’t exactly understand at the time. However, as I’m reading the poetry collection now, I inevitably think of the reason she came up with such a solid answer. Maybe it’s because everything that came to her mind, including personal issues, worries, and anger, was all written down.
Well then, Haruna-san, I want to share in the power of your words! Keep creating and I will continue reading your poetry collections.
